Beginning of year 2012

I can't say that its a nice one. Instead i felt stress for it.

had never been joyful.

Feeling lonely and depressed most of the times.

Hoping that someone would understand me;

However, i know that mankind are not dependable. Only god does.

Will stand firm on God's words.

bored - Happy new year 2012

waking up without purpose everyday.
since when i lost the passion in doing things.
no longer good at piano, no longer good at writing, no longer good at making cards, perhaps?



the only thing i can say is.. i've changed.
became quiet.

perhaps i lost my confidence.
lost my joyfulness.

ugh, i dont know.
i think 4 months holiday is too long for me.


I dont feel like hanging out with friends as that costs a lot..
maybe i've started to know how difficult my parents earn money.

I need exercises but i could not wakt up as early as i did in secondary.

growing old or matured or lazy? grr.



Sometimes i really feel that my life is meaningless...for the meantime.
as i dont find any satisfaction in everything i've done.

Its pointless to say what i'm doing everyday because its just the same, wake up, day dream, tv, piano, fb, house chores.

Just simply lost the passion in doing everything. I HATE IT.=.=

Even going out with friends, i don't know what can i talk about. Maybe its because of the fear of revealing certain secrets.


whatever it is. Its a new year and i need to get back to my study life in another 2 months.
Just hope that everything would be fine, and i must stand firm on God's words.

Hopefully i could find my joyfulness and target in life.
Sometimes i really feel like sharing my actual feelings but who cares?
people will only think that i'm emo.
i rather keep everything just for myself..until the point that i couldn't bear further.


just list down my wishes for the year..

* improve my piano
* be self dependent in my studies
* be happy
* get rid of unnecessary fats
* improve my skin condition
* stand firm in god's words
* be confident
* have wisdom


happy new year..though i dont really feel the excitement. argh.

morning.

Early in the morning. Not feeling happy.

Can i don't stand all these?

I'm sick of it.

I hate my life like this.

happy birthday...

today's my 19th birthday..

Still.. i have to say i'm feeling any excited..
not even a little..


Well.. I know the reason i guess. Don't ask me why.
I miss my busy life..
I don't want to be free that i'd think too much.


Will try to plan smth for my holiday.
i'm 19th.. happy birthday? Not really. But its my own problem.

But i do really feel grateful for having nice people beside me all the times. Thank god.

:(

I'm not happy...

Sometimes you just wish that someone could understand you. When there's a wish, there's a disappointment.

Totally lost my excitement on birthday. I'm not sure with the reason. Whatever it is.
Its my last teenage birthday.

ugh. Hate this feeling. Can't i just welcome my birthday with a smile? I couldn't make it. Such a simple thing.

Anyway I'll try my best to make my birthday happy, blessed and memorable.

Emotional :x

Well, logos left. I missed it like crazy. I miss the times spent on the ship. All are sweet memories :')

I'm missing everyone who entered my life. :')

Ugh the feeling.. dislike!!. Missing someone really made me feel bad.

However I have made my decision. Never try never know.

I've lost myself.. once again. grr. Time to find my way back.

Why am i so emotional. Is it because i'm artistic? lols

aww :)

Met new friends on the ship, both international and sabah friends.
Its my friend's last day today, and she purposely ask me to get uniform for her, so that she could stick a lovely card on my locker. I'm touched !!

Thank god for the special experience. I really appreciate it and will treasure it.

Yesterday was memorable because I was forced to tell a story to strangers. Yeah was forced cz i was being dragged there. hahaha. Did paintings on children's hands, seeing their satisfied smiles, i myself got satisfied as well. :) kids are inocent. hehe. Love them. Though some are like evil, cz they feel like they knows everything where they dont XD

I love photography

I love to take pictures. It helps me to remember everything that is memorable.

A piece of cake, sunsets, as well as friends.

I believe a person who loves photography is a person who appreciates everything in his/her life.

When i'm in logos hope, i love to face the sea when i'm having my meals, just to ppreciate the beauty of the sea - God's creation.

During dinner time, i can see sunsets. Deeply in my heart i exclaimed "how great is our god". Thank you lord for what i have. Thank you for forgiving my sins.

A very touching scene

Recently working as a volunteer on Logos Hope. Had learnt to get out of my comfort zone.

Well, saw a very touching scene today which i could not hide my feelings. During a hot afternoon, there was an old man, with his wife, together with his son and daughter-in-law came to Logos Hope.

The old man could not walk without a walking stick but it is impossible to use a walking stick when going up to the ship using the gangway, as well as passing the stairs. The son carried his father. And when they passed the stairs, the father tapped his son's shoulder, saying thank you.

What a sweet and touching scene! :')

p/s: updating this post because someone asked me so X)

happy holidayyy?

The busy weeks had just past. Had been living like a machine... wake up, brush up, breakfast, library, assignments, lunch, assignments, dinner.. assignments again @.@

Time flies, half a semester is gone. Again, Felt like everything changes. New group of friends.. new study mode, hmm.. sometimes do feel forgotten or being left out. Just hope that i won't think too much.

I'm really happy that this semester i experienced God's love. Whenever i'm facing trouble, there will always be angels beside me, assisting me in studies, listening to me when i'm in despair, playing and laughing with me, sharing my joy. Even having transport when i need it.

What else can i expect from life? :)

Life is short. Will just try to switch my focus on the happiness.

Just felt that university isn't just about studying, experienced lots of things. Dealing with people, getting involved in church activities, getting along with friends, learning to talk in a proper manner and with humor, planning my own time. Learnt a lot :) Thanks god.

I'm touched :')

Straight to the point, I was sick for one month since i got back to Miri. Ah well i'm not sure if this is because of homesickness LOL. Most probably not.


Recently I'm quite busy with assignments, and this drive me crazy. Was stressed to the max and sometimes i'd just hope to cry, as all these had been kept in my heart for quite a long time. I've decided not to show my stress in front of everyone. Besides, i'd try to cheer people up. This might sounds fake but somehow i might help myself? hehe


I felt glad that God loves me so much, that He placed angels beside me. When i was sick, there's someone to bring me to the doctor. Everyone was just like my parents, calling me to drink water, rest, or even go and see the doctor again.


When i was feeling stressful for my assignments, there must be a few quality friends who's always beside me, be there to listen to me. And deeply in my heart i could feel the warmth of friendship. :')


I felt great, should not complain anymore. I'm grateful for what God gave me. Thank you Lord. <3



Now i know, friends, doesn't matter with quantity, but quality. However when you have a quantity of quality friends, you'd be in the heaven ;)

untitled

yes, this is an untitled post. Have not been updating my blog for centuries.

I need to say i do feel happy because i've gotten the chance to serve in church.

Being a pianist, i believe that music can bring the congregation closer to God through the music played. Thus, i often encourage myself to feel the lyrics of the song, especially the hymns. Come on, hymns are not boring. Its just depends on how we sing it and play it. Different lyric brings different meaning, different style. This is the challenge for all the church pianists :)


Reminiscence the first time i played in church, woah, such a huge difference. I had stage freight. Lack of confident, with lost keys in every single song i played.


However, i love music, i wanted to be good in it. I tried hard to change. I'm not a music student. Being a pianist, I'm just using music to express myself. Ah well. When we're put into a song, only we can touch people's heart, and then brings life to a dead piece of paper containing chords and notes.


I accepted the request of my choir conductor to be one of the pianists in my secondary choir. Still i wasn't good, but slowly improving, and at last, overcame my stage freight. Praise be to the Lord. Now, i've gotten the chnce to serve in the church, its all because of God. I'm not pretending to be HOly but i really feel great for having the chance to learn and play in church.


So... my point is.. i want to apply this kind of mindset in my studies as well. I got the chance to study in uni, so i must do well in it in order to glorify God's name, and also grant myself a brighter future. Wish me luck, assignments stacking up. I do feel stress but u MUST overcome it. With God's help, i believe i can do so. Wish me luck.. :)

2nd day, 2nd sem

Its only the second day and i got to know that there's 3 assignments stacking up, waving at me with the evil grin. Sighhhhhs.


I had minor homesickness since i reached here. Well i just covered it up with my cheerful laughs and acted like i'm a grown up girl. I wish i could still be a young girl, being taken care and need not worry so much...


I felt little like crying but well i know that do not help..


arghh. wo hen fan ahhh.

Who can help me? :(


Good luck to me..

Second semester

Gotten my result, and it has become the past.


Time flies, its now second semester of the first year.

New semester, represents a new beginning.

New targets, new lifestyles, new group of friends, new habits.

Hopefully, my life would maintain like this. I don't want those POKER FACES in my friend list :)

Get loss man.. you find me again just because you do not have anyone to accompany you. What a pity.

I'll just sacrifice one of the seats beside me for you since you're so LONELY. hmmm.


Woah. so mean oh me. Sorry i used to treat fake people like this. Its a part of me. :p

Tomorrow. Tuesday. 2 tutorials 1 lecture. Fully packed schedule. Hope that could do well in the semester. Wish me luck! Thanks God for giving me more friends after losing the few fake ones :)

result...CHEER UP

Been waiting for my result and was so worried about it.. this continued for about one week and more.
Well whatever it is. It was released in the midnight.


I felt great at the moment i see that i passed all subjects, 1 with distinction, 2 with credit, another, with PASSING MARK.

PASSING MARK !?! please. Business law..well. Okay. I'm not good at it because i can't even remember the case names although i understood the concepts. But this is lower than my expectation. Can't it just be another 5 or 8 marks more? :( sad


Econs, i love econs so much. And yet had been putting lot of efforts. However i only got a CREDIT. Come on, i want a Distinction.. :( Can just say.. i have not yet mastered the answering techniques.. because i don't even know what kind of answers the lecturer demands.. :(


Okay. I Cried for no reason after i looked at my result clearly. Sighs i have never gotten a result that can turn me insane, laughing and crying at the same time @@


Honestly, some of my friends told me that if they got my result they would be like in the seventh heaven, but for me, i'm not satisfied. What to do? The outcome of a POOR TIME MANAGEMENT for the FIRST FEW WEEKS in my uni. Learnt a lesson.


NO PAIN, NO GAIN. I felt the pain, i gained. sigh. Its time for my self-reflection. The result reflects the efforts i put in my studies? Perhaps i'll do better in this coming semester, err... I MUST DO BETTER. This was kind of unfavourable but still, thanks god because i passed, (although one of them is a 50 which is the passing mark). Thank you lord for sending angels beside me or else i'd have failed my business law..



Quoted from my friend. It's not going to rain everyday. The rain will stop one day. Well i'm the one to decide when to stop raining. Cheer me up. CHEER UP, CHEEEEERRRRRR UPPPPP



SMILE

S
M
I
L
E

:)

>.< i'm worried

omygoodness.

The first sem result is going to be released at the 6th of July. >.<
I AM SCARED :/


hmm. The sem break is too long for me, that i think i have to adjust my mood, my life, my everything all over again. Kind of feeling like.. umm.. something similar with previously i did before entering uni.. uncertain, and guess what, it's even more intense because i knew that people are complicated.


Whatever it is in the future, i'd try my best in my studies, plan my time well, do the right thing at the right time. Seriously i need someone to talk to. Easily get emo at home due to loneliness and also.. my worries perhaps? :/


I want sports. I wanna slim down so that i could look better with nice clothes. :)


Well something random, it rained, and ruined my plan to climb the hill early in the morning.. and this ended up with getting up late in the morning for 5 days i think. My slim down plan's halfly gone. However i do succeed and slimmed down. So...God bless me. hmmph.

grr.

These few days weren't good. WHATEVER.

Just.. kind of looking forward to go back to miri..
At the same time, worried about the result, and also whether i could cope well in next semester's subjects.


Suddenly felt lost.. lost my target in life. Sort of like don't know for what i choose the course, and what should i do after graduated. Regretted by little bit for my rush decision. Well just try my best. :/


Holiday, isn't happy at all times, however i'm glad that i no longer need to worry about what to wear :)

Fated?

Sometimes, i just wonder why should i bear all these.


Well its nothing great suffering from family problems.

Everyone has owns problems, so am i.

I wouldn't blame anyone for these, will just bear it silently.

I know, God wants to do things on me.

Though its my hard time, i'll get over it.

Weeping alone in the room. God knows.

Just, sometimes i really hope to get away from home and study hard. Pay off my debts to parents. When they do not have the financial burden, maybe things would get better? hmm.

^^

GUESS WHATTT !!?!!!

COTTON ON IS IN KK !!!


Well i bought 2 casual dresses. Gonna change myself starting next sem :p
More dresses.


Spent quite a lot on my clothes. So... gonna study hard and learn to be a better person. Not just dressing up myself with nice clothes, but also having beautiful personalities :)

My Holiday..

hmm fine, planing to go out with friends more often. However everything costs $$$

Woke up earlier nowadays that i could go for exercise almost everyday :)
Enjoyed hiking a lot, especially when its with an aim to slim down :p

Hopefully my skeleton plan would succeed hahaha. Of course i'm not going to be a skeleton and i'd never be. :p

Visited my old church yesterday, perhaps small churches are more friendly. Less people, but still, the remaining are still friendly :)

Bought my formals, for the first time at MNG. It costs a lot ahhh i really have to budget my expenses now onward.


Well, I have no idea on what to write here. haha. My holiday, its just simple. Living as the way i like.

Shopping is fun, with money in your pocket and wallet. If not, just window shop, which is a good way to waste time for me though. :p Wondering why i'm not the fashion designer huh. I'd like to improve my dress sense as well.


Finally, my skin condition is under control, but still, not as nice as previous condition. :(
Just believe everything would be fine then. hmm.


I'm over with it, finally. Now i'm looking at my friends, who are worrying about the courses and uni. Have to admit that further studies costs a lot. So i MUST study well. hmm. Grew up, with views widened, mind opened. That's one of the outcomes? :)


HAPPY HOLIDAYYY~ :)